I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
