Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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