that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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