May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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