At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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