so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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