Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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