Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize