if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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