Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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