My brain says no but my pants say off.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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