i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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