Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
