i think i have two assholes
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
