me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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