so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
