So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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