do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
