You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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