He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
did you just send me my own nude
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
