Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Non-Jews are for practice
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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