Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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