I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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