He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
