Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
false alarm, still single
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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