You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
