I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she looked like the before picture.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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