I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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