she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
