Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
