I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
