This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
