I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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