I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
