Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
