the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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