Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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