i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
