In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
