matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
