i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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