i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
