I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
