she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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