you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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