My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
