i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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