addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
