i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Naked. naked and bneed help.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
