I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
