Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
