I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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