yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
