Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
