I hate all girls vehemently.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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