The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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