I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
