I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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