My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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