Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
