I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
