im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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