once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
