I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
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i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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